Boiling Over

I believe it is safe to say every single one of us has fallen victim to a colossal emotional blow-up, raising our voices, followed by spewing random and often hurtful comments to illustrate our point, likely with some of our points being unrelated to the main issue at hand, and certainly being conveyed through anger. Most of us probably reach a stage where we are frustrated with someone, but rather than going to discuss the matter with that person directly, we decide to avoid the momentary discomfort of a confrontation, and rationalize why ‘sitting on it’… or should i say, letting our pot simmer, is superior. A boiling pot full to the brim, left unattended, inevitably continues to heat, and eventually… boils over. Just like our relationships - the aftermath of boiling over is always harder to clean up than if we had just turned down the dial on the initial building frustration.

There is no pointing the finger here, I myself have been the epitome of an Irish temper when fuelled by someone that has irritated me through their selfish actions, ignorant comments, or simply disregarding my point of view, but that is no excuse to let my frustration turn into anger. Words as we all know, ‘CAN hurt you’, they can scar, in fact. And if we aren’t keeping these small nuisances in check by tending to them, they will likely snow-ball into a series of damaging, potentially unrelated points in our ticking time bomb of an eruption.

Did you know that when you are angry or extremely invested in any heightened emotional state, you are no longer thinking logically? Which means, when you are angry, the words coming out of your mouth to convey your point WILL NOT be rational. Like a major water-line exploding in the middle of New York City, slowly filling all the streets and making it impossible for anyone to pass through; your brain is constructed of an intricate network of billions of neural information pathways (particularly from the cerebral cortex in the frontal lobe). These hard-working pathways aim to send systematic, clear messages (thoughts), but can become blocked or clouded during an emotional event by a rush of hormones triggered by a region in the centre of your brain, the Amagdyla. You see where I am going here… you will almost certainly not be conveying your ‘true’ point to the person on the receiving end, if you are trying to communicate with them while you are emotionally stirred. So don’t wait until you are boiling over, and don’t wait until you have made a stabbing comment that will potentially leave irreparable scars in someone you love. Things that I am trying to practice, and I encourage you to try are: having the uncomfortable conversation(s) early on to address the problem, so both parties can continue living peacefully; and probably the most important thing to practice - learning to use our higher-order filter and bite our tongue (which goes against our deepest nature), to avoid a potentially damaging comment from slipping into the conversation. Remember, your emotions are like a heating pot, which must be regulated constantly in order to experience peace, joy, and healthy relationships.

“Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding.” -Mahatma Ghandi

Dr. Kristyn Bell